The Hill: What a concept!

Concept albums. Is there anything in the music world more polarizing than concept albums? Probably, but I've still heard plenty of disparaging remarks about the idea of them. Technically, a concept album is any album where the songs are linked by a common theme, be it lyrical or musical. For purposes of this entry, however, I'll be focusing entirely on concept albums that tell a story from beginning to end. And for purposes of this entry, let's just assume that I'm right.

Here they are, then - five super rad concept albums, in no particular order (followed by a few honorable mentions):

Voivod - Dimension Hatröss (1988): The fourth album from Canada's greatest export since Rush (who are Canada's greatest export since ice hockey) saw a transition from the thematic concepts of their past albums to full-on narrative-driven story, from beginning to end. This disharmonic riff-fest tells the story of the Voivod's creation of an alternate dimension, his journey into that dimension, and the bizarre beings and occurrences he encounters there. Highlights include album opener "Experiment," "Macrosolutions to Megaproblems," and the final song, "Cosmic Drama," where the Voivod is forced to destroy Dimension Hatröss and return to his own dimension in order to save himself. Highlights aside, however, there isn't a bad spot of the album. It's full of Voivod's signature discordant riffs, off-kilter time changes, and love 'em or hate 'em vocals (clearly I reside firmly in the former camp). A full 23 years after its release, Dimension Hatröss is still years ahead of its time.

King Diamond - Abigail (1987): King Diamond is not for everyone. When I first heard this album, sometime in '89 (while secretly going through my older brother's tape collection), I was terrified, panicked, freaked out...whatever scary adjectives you can think of, I probably felt. I thought I would be swallowed into Hell for listening. I was also strangely intrigued, and when I happened upon the CD at Half Price Books in Austin, TX, back in '05, I picked it up. I can safely say that I no longer fear being swallowed into Hell for listening, but it's still a pretty creepy album. Being a King Diamond album, there is a fair bit of cheese melted throughout, but if you're taking a King Diamond album seriously, there's something seriously wrong with you.

Abigail takes place in 1845, and tells the story of a young couple, Miriam Natias and Jonathan La Fey, who are en route to Jonathan's inherited ancestral home ("A Mansion in Darkness"). The Seven Black Horsemen stop Miriam and Jonathon and warn to turn back, for if they take possession of the mansion, "18 will become 9." Jonathon is intrigued and concerned, and most probably confused. Later, Jonathan is visited by "The Family Ghost," the Count de La Fey, who tells him the terrible truth about the mansion. Turns out the Count's wife cheated on him and became pregnant, so he pushed her down the stairs on "The 7th Day of July, 1777," and killed her, so now the mansion is possessed by the spirit of Abigail, the child who was stillborn when the Count's wife died. And what do you know, but Miriam suddenly turns up pregnant with a child who contains the spirit of Abigail.

As I stated, it's a bit cheesy in the lyrical department, and it's also a pretty convoluted story, but creepy things happen, and it's awesome. Musically, it's easily in heavy metal's top 25. I've often thought it would make a cool movie, but such a feat could only be pulled off by some messed up foreign filmmaker, and then I'd be too freaked out to watch it.

racebannon - Satan's Kickin' Yr Dick In (2002): When I first heard this album from Bloomington, Indiana's scariest secret in 2006, it grabbed hold of me, and I was fairly certain for a while that it would never let go. I literally fell asleep and woke up listening to it almost every single day for a month. It provided the soundtrack for my dreams, and it gave me the drive I needed to get through my days as a recently divorced metalhead walking to work at a 20-hour-a-week job, living in a tiny bedroom in a house full of hippies and cats (for the record, I love all those hippies dearly, and the cats are okay, too, as long as I don't have to live with any of them).

Anyway, Satan's Kickin' Yr Dick In tells the story of Rodney Mitchell, a young man willing to do anything to become famous. Told in five parts (because there were five Rocky films at the time of the recording), the album begins with Rodney lying naked in despair, shouting "I'd sell my soul just to take it all!!" Can you guess who shows up? Why, it's none other than the world's oldest talent agent himself. Satan transforms Rodney into Rhonda Delight, promising her untold fame and fortune, and reminding her, "And remember, one day I'm coming back. Till then, show the world what you're made of." Rhonda quickly becomes the "It" girl, star of stage and screen, hobnobbing with the likes of "Sean Penn, Thurston Moore, and John F. Kennedy, Jr." until tragedy strikes, and Ol' Scratch comes a callin'. It's rad.

If you like ambient noise in your monstrous riffs, screaming of the most fearsome variety, and intelligent, tongue-in-cheek lyrics, you should give this album a chance.

Pink Floyd - The Wall (1979): I know it's trite. I know it's obvious. I know Roger Waters is an arrogant prick. I also know I don't care. I love The Wall. Conceived and recorded at the height of Pink Floyd's monstrous world domination, The Wall is the story of Pink, a rock star who is fed up with all the trappings of rock stardom. There's not a second of this album that I do not love, but for my money, "Another Brick in the Wall (Part One)," "Goodbye Blue Sky," "In the Flesh," and "Waiting for the Worms" are the reasons this album will always be a favorite of mine. David Gilmour's guitar solo in "Comfortably Numb" is also utterly divine. Really, though, you don't need my opinion to know whether or not you're gonna like The Wall. And unless you've been living under a rock since 1978, it's unlikely that you don't already have your own opinion about Pink Floyd and this epic work.

And for the record, I thoroughly enjoy the movie, too.

Willie Nelson - The Red Headed Stranger (1975): "Don't cross him, don't boss him/he's wild in his sorrow/he's ridin' and hidin' his pain/don't fight him, don't spite him/just wait 'til tomorrow/maybe he'll ride on again." This album is arguably Willie Nelson's finest achievement, his cameo in Half Baked notwithstanding. The story of a man on the run after killing his wife and her lover, The Red Headed Stranger is musically sparse, lyrically heavy, and utterly brilliant. Like The Wall, you probably already know if you're going to like this album, but unlike The Wall, if you're a fan of music, you have no excuse to not like it.